Ask what the most dangerous place to be in South Africa is, and you'll get a range of suggestions. Hillbrow on a Saturday night in a BMW convertible. Loftus, wearing a Luke Watson jersey. Cape Town, on a bicycle...

All contenders, certainly, but some way off the mark for the actual title holder: the most dangerous place in South Africa is the Old Biscuit Mill market in Woodstock on a Saturday morning. It's irresistible but completely lethal.

I end up at the Biscuit Mill most Saturdays I'm in Cape Town, intent on a quiet visit of modest indulgence; the day usually ends in a blur, Saturday afternoon reduced to a cheerful haze, and Sunday morning spent nursing a tender constitution, and trying to work out just why purchasing eight jars of basil and walnut pesto, several yards of lamb and pomegranate sausages, and a year's supply of blue cheese and pine nut samoosas, had been such a good idea the day before.

Gourmet heaven

The market is gourmet heaven, drawing together an eclectic collection of produce and cuisine, for the edification of the city's gourmands, of which, as every Saturday illustrates, there are many.

By 10 o'clock in the morning, the market is humming with traders and trade, a culinary souk that's the food lover's equivalent to toy shops for kids; instead of trying out remote controlled cars or dressing Ken up in Barbie's wedding dress, however, you get to taste to your heart's content, the only challenge being where on earth to start — or rather where to start once you've opened your first Jack Black.

For the local beer merchants — providers of a smooth, crisp beer that drains from the bottle with alarming speed — have set up an ambush spot at the entrance, making it impossible to slip into the warehouse setting without first arming yourself with a Jack Black. It's an entrance fee, a status symbol, a gentle nudge down Saturday's slippery slope.

Once inside, the adventure begins. Pesto stands sit directly opposite you, the rich sundried tomato competing with more familiar basil varieties. Cheese tasting is scattered about the place, goat's milk cheeses particularly prevalent.

There's a great French cheese stand, some particularly ripe fromage revelling in the olfactory splendour of unwashed socks and open septic tanks, and all the wondrous to the palate as a result. Red onion marmalade flavoured olive oils, more pesto (the Princess pesto range is spectacular) and cured meats: the range is dazzling.

Particular favourites?

Everyone has particular favourites. The butchers producing sausages (halfway down to your left) have turned boerewors into an art form, apricot and chutney sausages vying for attention alongside the aforementioned lamb and pomegranate.

The savoury samoosa stand next door is equally eclectic — salmon and ricotta, chicken coriander and bold blue cheese amongst the options (and you bake them, rather than fry them, thus convincing yourself you're being healthy by going home with several dozen).

And then there's Mark Bayly. The Survivor host, who rumour has it is about to anchor a new celebrity show on M-Net, frequently mans his dad's Port stand — Peter Bayly Port is already established as South Africa's finest, but there's now a lighter white port added to the offering, a smooth sweetness that offers a summer partner to traditional port's wintry character.

It also means two generous tastings rather than one, as the morning slips into midday, and you go helplessly with it…

Bayly isn't the only familiar face ("Look, it's the guy from Idols!" when you spot Mark, never loses its comic genius), as celebrity chef Pete Goffe-Wood is a regular member of the Biscuit Mill cast, his olive oil and cider stall now complemented with rare fillet rolls of simple majesty in the tented courtyard at the bottom of the main warehouse.

The courtyard is also awash with further beer options (the Birkenhead range demands attention), the occasional clothing store (the Petit Pois children's range is hilarious — it's now outside the main section, though, but well worth stopping off at), and one final stop that completes your Biscuit Mill downfall: Martin Tucker's beer and sausage stand.

Few people look better suited to life in an apron, serving up German beer and sausages, he takes to his Saturday mornings with relish and a healthy dose of sauerkraut.

Weisbier from the Paulaner brewery at the Waterfront gushes forth liberally from an eternal tap, and by early afternoon, life has been reduced to a languid stroll through culinary Cape Town.

A disarming face, then, to the most dangerous place in South Africa; and I'm heading straight back there this Saturday, to replenish my nutmeg pesto and tuna and custard sausage stocks. And maybe have a couple of Jack Blacks.

Old Biscuit Mill, 373-375 Albert Road, Woodstock. Open Saturdays, 9am-2pm.